Parents – when your military children come home for Christmas, look for these red flags

For many families, Christmas is the first time in months they will have their son or daughter home from the military. The return to familiar routines, favourite meals and family noise is often deeply comforting. But for some service families, alongside the joy of reunion, there is also a quiet undercurrent of concern.

As a military claims solicitor, a veteran, and now the parent of a serving person, I see this time of year from several perspectives. And one thing is clear: Christmas Leave is often when worries first surface.

Not because something has suddenly gone wrong, but because home is often the first place young service personnel feel safe enough to let their guard down.

Why Christmas Leave can be a pressure point

Service life demands resilience, discipline and emotional control. Many young people quickly learn to suppress distress, to push on, and not show vulnerability. For some, this becomes second nature.

When they come home, that emotional armour can slip. The change of environment, the return to childhood spaces, the absence of military structure. All this can bring difficult feelings closer to the surface.

Parents often tell me they sense something is different. That their child seems more distant, more irritable, or less like themselves. Those instincts matter.

Subtle red flags

Not all mental health struggles look dramatic. Many early warning signs are quiet and easily explained away.

You might notice:

• Withdrawal from family or friends
• Emotional flatness, numbness or low mood
• Irritability, short temper or sudden anger
• Sleep disturbance, nightmares or constant exhaustion
• Avoidance of certain conversations
• Increased alcohol use
• Physical complaints with no clear cause
• Reluctance or dread at the thought of returning to their unit

These signs do not automatically mean there is a serious mental health condition. But they do mean something deserves attention.

Bullying and harassment: still present, still underreported

Through my legal work, I regularly see young service personnel whose mental health has been damaged by:

• Bullying
• Harassment
• Discrimination
• Sexual harassment or assault

Many never report what they are experiencing while serving. The fear of being labelled weak, harming their career, or not believed is powerful. What often begins as ‘banter’ can become deeply harmful.

Home is sometimes the first place they feel able to hint that something is wrong.

Listen carefully for comments about:

• Being singled out or excluded
• Certain individuals causing fear
• Feeling powerless, trapped or isolated
• Minimising language such as “it’s nothing” or “everyone just puts up with it”

Bullying and harassment are never part of the job. The harm they cause can last far beyond service.

What can we do as parents?

When we feel frightened for our children, the instinct is often to act immediately – to confront, to fix, to protect. But the most important first step is often the simplest, and the hardest: to listen.

Helpful approaches can include:

• Keeping questions open and gentle
• Allowing silence without rushing to fill it
• Resisting the urge to offer immediate solutions
• Reassuring them that support is not weakness
• Letting them talk at their own pace
• Trusting your instincts if something does not feel right

They may not open up straight away. What matters is that they know the door is open and will remain open.

When legal advice may be needed

Most families never expect to speak to a solicitor. But when psychological harm has been caused by bullying, harassment or discrimination, sexual assault, training failures, or neglect of mental health, legal accountability matters.

Compensation is not only about money. It can provide access to long-term therapy, rehabilitation, financial security following medical discharge, and recognition that what happened was wrong.

Personal word

As a veteran, I understand the pride that service brings.

As a mother, I understand the constant, quiet fear that never truly switches off.

As a solicitor, I see what happens when early warning signs are missed.

You do not need all the answers this Christmas.

Sometimes, listening is enough to begin everything.

Being worried about your child – no matter their age – does not mean you are overreacting, it means you are paying them attention. Many parents struggle with the fear of ‘making a fuss’ or saying the wrong thing. But concern is not criticism, and seeking help is not failure.

You do not need certainty to reach out. If something feels wrong in your instincts, that alone is reason enough to seek advice and support. You are doing the right thing simply by caring.

If you’re worried about your child this Christmas

If your son or daughter seems distressed, withdrawn, overwhelmed or says something that causes you concern, it is always better to seek support earlier rather than later. You do not need to manage this alone.

Here are trusted, confidential support services available in the UK:

• Combat Stress – 24/7 mental health support for serving personnel and veterans: 0800 138 1619
• Samaritans – 24/7 emotional support for anyone in distress: 116 123
• NHS 111 – Urgent medical or mental health advice when it’s not an emergency: 111
• Defence Medical Welfare Service (DMWS) – Specialist welfare support for serving personnel, veterans and families: 0800 999 3697

If at any point you believe your child is in immediate danger, always call 999.

Bolt Burdon Kemp is an independent firm that acts in the interests of injured service personnel and their families. Our role is to stand beside our clients, guide them through the legal process, and pursue accountability and justice with care, integrity and independence.